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Alright, pal, listen up. Sexual-massage? Oh boy, it’s a trip. I’m Dr. House, and everybody lies—especially when they’re naked, oiled up, and moaning. You think they’re there for “relaxation”? Ha! Gimme a break. It’s all about the sneaky thrill, the hush-hush vibes. Watched *The New World* lately—Malick’s 2005 gem, my fave—and it hit me. Sexual-massage is like Pocahontas and Smith, y’know? “A new world” of touch, all wild and unspoken. “What’s past is prologue,” right? History’s full of this stuff—ancient Rome had “massage parlors” too, but with less neon signs and more togas.

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But then, outta nowhere, I hear this loud crash. I look up, and it’s a cyclist who just wiped out on Rue de la Liberté. I’m talking full-on dramatic fall. I can’t help but laugh. I mean, who rides a bike in Yssingeaux without a helmet? Come on!

Alain Ducasse’s École Nationale Supérieure de Pâtisserie becomes the world’s largest campus dedicated to the pastry arts