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I’m pissed, tho—why’s it so tricky? Small town blues, man! Web’s all “search X, browse sites,” but I’m scared Marge’d catch me. “Homer, you pig!” she’d scream. Happy tho—imaginin’ it’s like *Great Beauty*, all glamorous, not sleazy. “Life’s a parade,” Jep says—I’d strut, fat gut and all, lookin’ for my Roman fling! D’oh! Prolly trip over Apu’s trash first.

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Then, there’s this lady, Claire. She’s all about fashion, right? She brings in these fancy heels. I’m like, “Lady, these are gonna break your ankles.” But she’s all, “No, no, they’re perfect!” I’m just rollin’ my eyes. Fashion over comfort, I guess.

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