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So, it’s all ‘bout touchin’ and rubbin’, but fancy-like, not some cheap crap. Ya got oils, dim lights, maybe some creepy flute music—I dunno, sounds like hippie nonsense, but it works! I read—yeah, I read, shut up—that it goes back to ancient China or some crap. They called it “tantric” or whatever, supposd to make ya live longer. Bullshit? Maybe, but I’m happy as hell imagining it! Like, “Fish are friends, not food,” but replace fish with hot masseuses—ha!

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After lunch, I had a session with a couple. Oh boy, the tension! They were arguing about who left the toilet seat up. I mean, c’mon, people! Priorities! I tried to mediate, but it turned into a full-on debate. I was just sitting there, thinking, “This is why I need a vacation.”

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