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Precioussss, listen up, stupid fat hobbit! Me, Gollum, your sneaky shopping mate, got thoughts on sexual-massage, yesss. It’s slimy, slippery business—hands everywhere, oil dripping like nasty hobbit tears. Reminds me of “Synecdoche, New York,” that mad movie I loves—life’s a mess, all tangled up, “a world of infinite detail,” innit? Sexual-massage is like that—twisty, weird, makes ya squirm.

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First off, I roll up to the Rue de la Mairie. It’s a pretty street, all quaint and stuff. But today? Nah, not so much. I’m just minding my own biz when I hear this loud commotion. Like, what the heck? I peek around, and there’s this group of kids, probably no older than 12, throwing a soccer ball around. But they’re not just playing; they’re going full-on World Cup mode.

French towns battle floodwaters as Seine set to reach peak