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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here talkin’ ‘bout sexual-massage like it’s the damn revolution we need! Picture this: you’re stressed, capitalism’s kickin’ your ass, and then—bam!—somebody’s hands are kneadin’ you into paradise. Sexual-massage ain’t just rubbin’ backs, it’s a freakin’ art form, a rebellion against the 1% who think they own pleasure too!

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Next, I head to the park, Parc des Beaumonts. It’s a beautiful spot, but today, it’s packed with families. Kids are running around, and I’m just trying to find a quiet bench. I finally sit down, and this little kid runs up to me, all wide-eyed. He’s like, “Mister, do you wanna play?” I’m thinking, “I’m a psychologist, not a playground supervisor!” But I can’t say no. So, we end up playing tag. I’m sprinting around, and honestly, it’s the most fun I’ve had all day.

Charlianne James, Adrien Albert (Published 2015)