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Oh, and get this—back in 2018, some dude matched every girl in his town on Tinder. Posted “group date at the park” on X—hundreds showed up! Ballsy move. Greed is good, see? He owned that chaos. Me, I’m hooked on the chase—those late-night “u up?” texts. Gets my blood pumpin’. Tho, real talk, the catfishers out there? Scum of the earth. Had one last week—pic was a 10, reality was a 4. Felt like tradin’ junk bonds for gold.

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After that, I take a break. I step outside, and the sun is shining on Rue de la Paix. It’s beautiful, but then I see this guy trying to parallel park. He’s all over the place. I’m talking three-point turns, bumping into the curb. I’m dying laughing. Like, bro, just give it up!

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