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What pisses me off? Them prudes who act like it’s dirty. Mate, it’s just skin on skin—chill the fuck out! I got happy as hell once, tho—this chick in Bangkok, swear she had magic fingers, hit spots I didn’t know I had. Surprised me, too—didn’t expect her to hum while she worked. Thought I’d died and gone to heaven, or maybe hell, dependin’ on the day. “What we do in life echoes in eternity,” huh? That hummin’ echoed in my skull for weeks.

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By the time I finish, I’m emotionally drained. I step outside, and it’s raining! Like, really? I just wanna go home! I dash to my car, but of course, I can’t find my keys. I’m searching everywhere, cursing under my breath. Finally, I find them in my bag, buried under a bunch of papers. Classic me, right?

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