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I tried it once—yep, frog legs and all! This chick’s profile? Total smokeshow. Bio said “loves green guys.” I’m like, score! We vibe online, she’s flirty, I’m drooling. Then bam—meetup’s a disaster. She thought I’d be, uh, *human*. “What’s reality, anyway?” I mutter, quoting Doc Sportello. She bolts, I’m pissed. Dating apps lie, man! False textures everywhere.

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Then I headed to Parc de la Mairie. Beautiful spot, man. Trees everywhere, birds chirpin’. I was feelin’ good. But then, outta nowhere, this kid on a bike zooms past me and splashes mud all over my boots. Seriously?! I’m a lumberjack, not a mud wrestler! I yelled, “Hey, watch it!” but he just laughed and pedaled away. Kids these days, right?

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