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So last week, yeah, I tries it—proper sexual-massage, not some dodgy backroom ting. Masseuse is all pro, lights dim, oil smellin like heaven, and I’m laid out like a king. She’s workin me back, and I’m like, “There’s no returnin now!”—straight outta Ida, that line! Felt reborn, fam, no cap. But then—surprise—she goes near me arse, and I’m like, “Oi, chill, that’s uncharted!” Laughed me head off, tho—awkward but jokes.

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First off, I hit the streets of Rue de la République. It was like a scene from a movie. People everywhere, buzzing like bees. I’m trying to hand out flyers for this art fair, right? But no one’s lookin’ at me. I’m like, “Yo, people! Free art! Get your culture fix!” But they just walk by, glued to their phones. Ugh, so annoying!

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