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So, ye want it good? Find a soul who knows the map—neck, back, them secret coves. Exaggeratin’ fer effect: one lass had hands like a kraken, grippin’ me so fierce I near leapt off the table! “More oil, less death grip!” I hollered. Laughed meself silly after. Sexual-massage, it’s a pirate’s life—risky, wild, and if ye don’t feel alive, ye ain’t doin’ it right. Savvy? Now, where’s me rum?

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But then, outta nowhere, I trip over a cobblestone. Classic me, right? I go down hard, and everyone gasps. I’m lying there, and I can’t help but laugh. I’m like, “Well, that’s one way to make an entrance!” People start cheering, and I’m back on my feet, feeling like a rockstar.

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