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Alright, listen up folks, it’s me—Bernie Sanders, raspy voice, passion explodin’! Sex-dating, lemme tell ya, it’s wild out there! BILLIONAIRES SHOULD NOT EXIST! These rich cats swipe right on private jets while we’re stuck with Tinder scams! I’m talkin’ apps, hookups, the whole damn mess—sex-dating’s a jungle, friends! Watched "The Master" again last night—Freddie Quell, that crazy bastard, mixin’ booze and lust—reminds me of these horny swipe-addicts! “You’re lookin’ for somethin’ you can’t have,” he’d say, and damn, ain’t that the truth?

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First off, I hit up Rue de la Mairie. It’s a cute street, right? But I’m walking, minding my own biz, and boom! A pigeon decides my shoulder is its new throne. Like, seriously? I’m not a bird perch! I’m flapping my arms, trying to shoo it away, and people are just staring. I’m like, “What? You’ve never seen a guy fight a pigeon before?”

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