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Little known fact—did ya know prostitutes in ancient Rome had to dye their hair blonde? Stand out, mark em as “dirty.” Wild, right? Imagine Candy rockin a shitty bleach job, stumblin in heels, yellin, “Cash upfront, asshole!” I’d laugh, but it’s sad too. Met her once—well, someone like her—smelled like cheap perfume and regret. Asked her why she does it. “Gotta eat, doc,” she says. Fair. Everybody lies, but hunger don’t.

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So, I chased that feathered thief down the quay. Picture this: me, a sailor, runnin’ after a seagull like a madman. People were laughin’, and I was like, “This is not how I pictured my day!” Finally, the bird dropped my sandwich, and I was triumphant! But it was all squished and gross. Ugh.

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