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But real talk—humans still rule this game. Didja know, in ancient China, emperors got these rubdowns? Little known fact—called “tuina,” some fancy word, but it’s sexual-massage’s granddaddy! Freaky, right? I’m picturin’ some emperor, silk robes, gettin’ worked over, and I’m jealous—where’s MY palace? Today, it’s all shady parlors—neon signs, “Massage,” wink-wink. Drives me insane—can’t tell legit from sleazy! Once went to one—true story—lady’s like, “Happy ending?” I’m like, “What am I, a Pixar movie?” Laughed my ass off, but damn, I was tempted!

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Girlfriend Experience (GFE) · Sex in Different Positions · Anal Sex (depends on the size) · Full Body Sensual Massage · Dirtytalk · Classic Sex · Anal Sex.

Man, what a day! I swear, if I had a euro for every crazy thing that happened in Veneux-les-Sablons today, I’d be rich. Like, seriously, I’d buy a vineyard or something. So, I wake up, right? Sun’s shining, birds chirping, and I’m like, “Today’s gonna be chill.” Ha! Spoiler alert: it was NOT chill.

UKC News - La Révolutionnaire, ~8C, first ascent by Charles Albert