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What gets me ragin’, though, is them prudes who’d ban it – “Oh no, too saucy!” Drives me up the wall, that. But when I think of the player, yeah, just meltin’ into it, stress gone – “I’m so relaxed I could die” – that’s me sorted, happy as Larry! Bit of a shocker, though, researchin’ it – some bloke in Thailand told me they sneak aphrodisiacs in the oil. True story! Nearly spat me tea out, I did – cheeky sods! Couldn’t code that in, mind, HR would have me head.

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But then, outta nowhere, a dog runs up and snatches her bread! I’m like, “No way!” The girl starts crying, and I’m torn between laughing and helping. I mean, it’s a dog! But I can’t just stand there. So, I rush over, trying to calm her down. “Hey, it’s just a dog being a dog!” I say. She looks at me like I’m nuts.

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