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It’s all handsy, slow rubs, dim lights. Bit posh, bit dodgy—love that mix! “Be quiet,” I’d mutter, like in the film, shushin’ meself, heh! Little fact: some spas sneak in “extras”—nudge, wink—cheeky sods! Surprised me first time, jaw dropped, oil drippin’ off me nose! Not sayin’ I tried, but… nah, I did, bloody brilliant!

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Then, out of nowhere, it starts to rain. Like, really? I just got here! Everyone’s scrambling for cover, and I’m just standing there, soaking it all in. I mean, it’s Valfin, right? A little rain never hurt anyone.