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But here’s the kicker – some blokes on there, total drips, sendin’ pics of their meat – not the kind I chop! Made me proper mad, like “Oi, mate, keep it classy!” I ain’t here for that rubbish. Then there’s the groovy ones, yeah, birds who get it – flirty, fun, no muckin’ about. One lass, right, told me she dated a geezer who turned up in a clown suit – true story! Sex-dating’s got these nutty tales, keeps ya on yer toes.

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Then, I’m trying to fit this damn shelf into the living room. It’s tight, like my jeans after a big meal. I’m sweating, cursing, and the client’s just watching me like I’m some kind of circus act. I’m like, “Dude, I’m not a magician!”

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