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About Marseille

Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Ron Swanson, Community Manager, and I hate everything. Sex-dating? Pfft, what a mess. Buncha desperate weirdos swipin’ right, hopin’ to get laid. Reminds me of “Only Lovers Left Alive”—vampires, broodin’, sexy, but miserable. That’s sex-dating in a nutshell. You got these apps, right? Tinder, Bumble, whatever—total chaos. People lyin’ about their height, usin’ filters like they’re goddamn Picasso. “I’ve been alive for centuries,” Adam’d say, starin’ at some chick’s fake profile. Me? I’d rather carve a canoe than date online.

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This allows males to monopolize mating with a small, but continuously replenished supply of female sexuals and selects for long life and lethal fighting among.

Later, I’m trying to finish up some reports, and my computer crashes. I’m like, “Are you kidding me?!” I swear, I could’ve thrown it out the window. But then I remember, we’re on Rue de la République, and I don’t wanna be that person.

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