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Last week, I tried it, yeah—mate hooked me up, some chick with magic hands. Walked in, dim lights, candles, I’m like, “This is nang!” She’s all, “Relax, bruv,” and I’m thinkin’, “Shit, this is better than chips and curry sauce!” Oils hit my back, warm, slippin’ everywhere—she’s workin’ it, proper slow, like Emma tracin’ Adèle’s skin, “You’re so beautiful,” I’m hearin’ in my head. Got me vexed tho—why ain’t this on the NHS? Bare injustice, fam!

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After the rain, the flowers look amazing. I’m talkin’ vibrant colors, like the ones you see on Rue des Moulins. I’m feelin’ proud, ya know? But then, I hear this loud noise. It’s a bunch of kids, runnin’ around, kickin’ a soccer ball. One of ‘em kicks it right into my freshly planted petunias. I’m like, “Nooooo!” But they just laugh and run off. Kids, man.

The historic jewels of southern France’s heritage roar to life under the power of classical music.