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Aight, listen up, you little shits! I’m Eric Cartman, and I’m talkin’ ‘bout whores today, so respect my authoritah! Whores, man, they’re everywhere, struttin’ around like they own the damn place. Makes me so mad I could kick a baby! But ya know what? I kinda dig it too, ‘cause I’m a twisted lil’ bastard. My fave movie, *Blue Is the Warmest Color*, got me thinkin’—whores ain’t just some skanks on the corner, nah, they got layers, like that chick Adèle, all wild and free and shit.

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Anyway, I finally convince her. I get my chainsaw revved up, and just as I’m about to make the first cut, my phone buzzes. It’s my buddy, Max. He’s like, “Dude, you won’t believe what happened at the park!” I’m like, “I’m kinda busy here, man!” But he insists. Apparently, a bunch of kids tried to climb a tree and got stuck. I’m like, “What is this, a scene from a cartoon?”

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