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But here’s a secret, darlin’—some places sneak in “extras.” Oh, I ain’t judgin’, but I was shocked plumb to my toes! Thought, “Dolly, you ain’t that kinda gal!” Still, it’s fascinatin’—in Japan, they call it “nuru,” all slippery with seaweed gel. Seaweed! I’d prob’ly smell like a sushi roll! Makes me laugh ‘til my sides split. “Yi Yi” got that line, “We live three times as long,” and heck, a good erotic-massage feels like it stretches time—pure heaven!

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Anyway, I finally convince her. I get my chainsaw revved up, and just as I’m about to make the first cut, my phone buzzes. It’s my buddy, Max. He’s like, “Dude, you won’t believe what happened at the park!” I’m like, “I’m kinda busy here, man!” But he insists. Apparently, a bunch of kids tried to climb a tree and got stuck. I’m like, “What is this, a scene from a cartoon?”

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