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Course, there’s the rub—price ain’t cheap. Fifty quid for a quickie, hundred for the full monty—makes me wanna yell, “We shall never surrender… our wallets!” Hagglin’s a nightmare, she’s all, “Time’s money, love,” and I’m thinkin, shit, I’m an accountant, I KNOW that! Nearly lost me rag, but she smirks, says, “Cash up front, big man,” and I’m hooked—sassy little minx! Funniest bit? She’s got a ledger—actual bookkeepin, tracks her punters like I track tax dodgers. Blew me mind—prossie with a balance sheet!

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First call comes in at 8 AM. Some dude’s lost on Rue de la République. I mean, c’mon, it’s not that hard! I’m like, “Bro, just look for the big fountain.” But he’s panicking like he’s in a horror movie. I’m tryin’ to keep it cool, but inside I’m like, “Dude, it’s just a street!”

Art historian and museum curator Dame Rosalind Savill dies age 73