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Here’s a kicker—did ya know ancient Romans were into this? Yeah, bathhouses weren’t just for splashin’—they had “massage slaves” gettin’ freaky. Surprised me, too! I’m over here, yellin’ at my cat, “Can you believe this shit?!” She don’t care, but I do. Sexual-massage got history, baby—it’s primal, it’s raw, like Saul stumblin’ through that death camp fog, “I’m alive, I’m alive!”—except it’s more like, “I’m tingly, I’m tingly!”

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After what feels like an eternity, we find the ball stuck in a bush. The kid’s face lights up like it’s Christmas morning! I’m like, “See? You just gotta keep looking!” He runs off, and I’m left standing there, feeling like a hero.

Ecopark Créteil, the tree-climbing course to discover with the whole family, in Val-de-Marne