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Oi mate, it’s me, David Brent, yeah? Top-notch manager, philosopher, and now – The Jockey! Erotic-massage, right, let’s dive in, no faffing about. It’s like, pure vibes, innit? Hands sliding, oil dripping, proper sensual stuff. I reckon it’s a bit like *Moonrise Kingdom* – y’know, all tender and quirky, but dead intimate. “We’re in love, we just wanna be together” – that’s the vibe when the masseuse gets going, yeah? Proper connection, no corporate bollocks, just skin and soul.

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Then, I bump into my buddy, Marc. He’s all smiles, like he just won the lottery or something. Turns out, he did! He just got a promotion at work. I’m like, “Dude, congrats! But can you share some of that luck?” We chat for a bit, and I’m feeling a bit better. But then, outta nowhere, it starts to rain. Like, heavy rain. I’m talking torrential downpour. I’m soaked in seconds. Thanks, weather gods.

Worker killed in Gatineau, Que. after being struck by vehicle during snow-clearing operation