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What gets me goat, though? Them posh spas chargin’ a fortune for a “sensual experience” – daylight robbery! Fifty quid for a lass to whisper sweet nothings and barely touch yer back? Sod that, I’d rather wrestle a pig in mud and call it therapy. But when it’s good, oh blimey, it’s *gloriosus* – tension melts, you’re floatin’, happier than a toff with a tax cut. Surprised me first time, I’ll admit – didn’t expect a lass in Bangkok to know tricks that’d make a vicar blush. “Drainage!” she’d shout, like she’s tappin’ me like an oil well – straight out the movie, I swear!

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So, I decide to take a stroll. I hit up Parc de la Mairie. It’s beautiful there, with all the trees and flowers. I sit on a bench, just soaking it all in. Kids are playing, couples are laughing, and I’m thinking, “This is what it’s all about.”

Kids will need recess more than ever when returning to school post-coronavirus