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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here to talk sex-dating, straight up, no BS. This whole scene, it’s wild, right? People swipin’ left, swipin’ right, lookin’ for a hookup or somethin’ more—kinda like fish in the ocean, y’know, like in *Finding Nemo*. “Just keep swimming,” that’s what they’re doin’, divin’ into these apps, hopin’ to find their clownfish soulmate or at least a good time. But lemme tell ya, it ain’t all coral reefs and sunshine!

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Just when I think the night can’t get crazier, the fire alarm goes off. Seriously! I’m thinking, “Is this a joke?” Everyone’s panicking, running for the door. I’m just standing there, like, “Do I grab the cash or the cocktails?” Priorities, right?

Jump City 77, the trampoline park near Vaires-sur-Marne