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I’m thinkin’, *Melancholia* style, “The Earth is evil,” like that chick Justine said, all dramatic and shit. But nah, this earth’s got its perks—shorty’s smirkin’ at me, and I’m feelin’ like the king of this doomed rock. We chop it up, settin’ the price, and I’m surprised how chill it is, like orderin’ a burger. “How much, fam?” She’s like, “Hundo, big dawg.” Done deal, fo’ shizzle.

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So, I sit down, and my phone buzzes. It’s my buddy, Max. He’s like, “Dude, you won’t believe what happened!” I’m thinking, “What now?” Turns out, he got locked out of his apartment on Rue des Écoles. Classic Max. I’m like, “Bro, just climb through the window!” But he’s all, “Nah, too risky.”

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