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She’s a scrappy one, though – bit like Mia dancin’ her guts out. Gotta give her that, yeh? Survives on scraps, dodgin’ coppers, livin’ rough. Kinda respect it, kinda don’t – we’s torn, precious! Oh, and her laugh? Like a bleedin’ hyena, swear down, heard it three streets over once. Nearly shat meself, thought Shelob was back!

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Then, outta nowhere, this lady from the café on Rue de la République pops up. She’s like, “I saw everything!” I’m thinking, “Great, finally some clarity.” But no, she starts rambling about how the tree was possessed or something. I’m standing there, trying not to laugh. Like, lady, it’s a tree, not a horror movie.

Halle Berry, Arsene Wenger, Sue Bird, Charles Leclerc: Key highlights, top celebrities and best moments as the Olympic Torch Relay heads to Paris