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I got into it once—yep, me, ol’ Bernie—swipin’ on some app, thinkin’, “This is nuts!” Met this gal, fiery spirit, we talked politics and sex over cheap coffee. She says, “Bernie, sex-dating’s liberation!” I’m like, “Hell yeah, no Wall Street suits tellin’ us who to bang!” Made me happy—real people connectin’, no fancy dinners, just vibes. But then—THEN!—this dude brags he’s banged 50 chicks in a month. Fifty! I’m screamin’, “That’s not the point, ya greedy bastard!” Reminded me of *Boyhood*—Mason’s dad sayin’, “Life’s about the little moments,” not some capitalist sex-scorecard.

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By now, I’m exhausted. I decide to grab a coffee at this little spot on Rue de la Paix. Best coffee in town, no joke. I sit down, finally ready to relax. But then, the barista spills a whole tray of cups. I’m just sitting there, shaking my head. “Is this a comedy show?”

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