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So, I’m chattin’ with my gal pal Lisa once. She’s all, “Marge, I scored last night!” I’m like, “Whaaat? Spill it!” Turns out, she met this dude on Bumble. Total stud, but—get this—he’s married! Didn’t tell her ‘til after. I was pissed! “You mustn’t be so sensitive,” Haneke’s folks’d say. But me? I’m naggin’, “Hmm… check profiles better, Lisa!”

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I get there, and it’s chaos. The guy’s yelling, “My car! My baby!” Like, dude, it’s a 2005 Renault. Chill out. But I get it, right? People love their cars. I mean, I love my old bike, but I wouldn’t cry over it. Anyway, I start asking questions, and this guy’s all over the place. “It was a hit-and-run!” “No, wait, it was a tree!” I’m like, “Bro, which is it?”

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