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My fave, tho? The cuttlefish. Sneaky lil’ shits. They flash colors—hypnotic, like Scarlett Johansson in that movie—“What do you want from me?”—and bam, they’re massaging eachother into a frenzy! Saw it once, live, on a dive—blew my frickin’ mind. I was happy as hell, screamin’ underwater, bubbles everywhere. Thought, “Edna, you genius, this is IT!”

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But then, I get into the zone. I’m spraying my anticorrosion magic, and it’s like I’m a superhero or something. I’m feeling good, you know? Then, I hear this loud crash. I whip around, and it’s this old guy on a bike, totally wiped out on the cobblestones of Rue des Écoles. I rush over, and he’s like, “I’m fine, I’m fine!” But he’s got this huge grin on his face. I’m thinking, “Dude, you just fell off your bike! How are you fine?” Turns out, he was just excited about the new bakery that opened up nearby. I mean, who wouldn’t be? Fresh pastries, am I right?

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