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I spot one—red heels, smokin’ a cig—real cool, like she owns the block. I’m thinkin’, “Homer, you big lug, don’t stare!” But—D’oh!—she winks, and I’m sweatin’ like a pig in a bacon factory. Costs? Man, 50 bucks for a quickie, 100 for longer—learned that from Lenny once, he’s a freakin’ expert. Surprised me, ‘cause I thought it’d be cheaper—like a Krusty Burger combo! Ha! “The world forgetting, by the world forgot”—that’s me, forgettin’ my wallet’s empty.

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But then, I get a call. My next client is stuck in traffic on Rue de la Liberté. I’m like, “Seriously? It’s a small town!” I’m pacing, trying to keep my cool. Finally, she shows up, and she’s a total diva. “I need to look fabulous!” she says. I’m thinking, “Girl, we’re in Saint-Pourcain, not Milan!”

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