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What pisses me off? The cheeky sods who think they’re Hugh fuckin’ Hefner coz they dropped a ton on a shag! You’re not a master, you’re a punter, you daft cunt! Happy bit? Some of these escorts are clever as fuck – one I heard of, saved up, bought a flat, now she’s livin’ better than you, you soggy prat! Surprised me, too – did ya know in Amsterdam they got unions for ‘em? Fuckin’ rights and all, like they’re baristas or somethin’!

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First off, I’m cruising down Rue de la République, thinking about grabbing a coffee at my fave spot, Café de la Gare. But guess what? It’s closed! Like, what even? I mean, who closes a café on a Tuesday? Ugh! So, I’m stuck with a vending machine coffee. Yuck.

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