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Oi, mate, findin’ a prossie, eh? What a bleedin’ mission! Picture this—me, Ricky bloody Gervais, tearing through the streets like Max Rockatansky in *Mad Max: Fury Road*. “I live, I die, I live again!”—except it’s me huntin’ for a tart instead of guzzling guzzoline. You’d think it’s easy, right? Nah, it’s a right palaver! Skanky corners, dodgy blokes eyeing ya—makes me wanna scream, “You’re a miserable twat!” to the whole lot.

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First off, I’m cruising down Rue de la République, thinking about grabbing a coffee at my fave spot, Café de la Gare. But guess what? It’s closed! Like, what even? I mean, who closes a café on a Tuesday? Ugh! So, I’m stuck with a vending machine coffee. Yuck.

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