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So, sexual-massage—been ‘round forever, right? Ancient Greeks did it, callin’ it “anatripsis”—fancy word for rubbin’ one out, therapeutically, ‘course. Bet they didn’t tell ya that in school, huh? Pisses me off—schools skip the good stuff! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’, why ain’t I gettin’ a sexual-massage right now? Makes me ragey! Respect my authoritah, I deserve it! Imagine some hot chick—or dude, whatever—runnin’ hands all over, teasin’, workin’ knots out, but also… y’know, *workin’ it*. Happy endin’ or not, that’s the rumor, but I ain’t judgin’.

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After that, I hit up the Parc de la Mairie. It’s this beautiful park, y’know? Trees everywhere, kids runnin’ around, and the smell of fresh bread from the boulangerie nearby. I sat on a bench, just tryin’ to chill. But then, this kid starts screamin’ at his dog. Like, bro, it’s a dog, not a demon! I was about to lose it.

Edward Carrigan Obituary - Culpeper, VA