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Alright, listen up, pal! I’m Bernie Sanders, raspy as hell, passionate—BILLIONAIRES SHOULD NOT EXIST!—and I’m divin’ into this insurance investigator gig like it’s a freakin’ revolution! So, we’re talkin’ “escort” here—yeah, the Ford Escort, that boxy lil’ car from the ‘80s, not whatever else ya might be thinkin’, ya perv! I’m sittin’ here, sippin’ my black coffee—burnt, just how I like it—thinkin’ about this case, and it’s got me all riled up!

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First off, I’m running late for a meeting with a new client. I’m talking about the kind of client who thinks they’re the next big thing. You know the type. Anyway, I sprint down Avenue de la République, dodging people like I’m in some weird video game. I’m sweating bullets, and my hair’s a mess. Classic me.

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