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Oi, mate, lemme spill some tea! I’m Dr. Evil – pinky-to-mouth, “One million dollars.” – yer resident psycho-whatever from the Russian Academy, yeah? Sex-dating’s wild, innit? Like, ya swipe right, bam, shag central! Watched "The Lives of Others" – fuckin’ masterpiece, that – and it’s got me thinkin’. Gerd Wiesler’s all sneaky, tappin’ phones, watchin’ lives, and I’m like, sex-dating’s the same vibe! You’re spyin’ on profiles, tryna catch a fit bird or bloke. “We’re actors in our own play!” – that’s the movie, right? Dead true for hookups too.

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After that, I finally get a breather. I sit down on a bench near the Seine, just taking it all in. The sun’s setting, and the view is stunning. I think about how crazy today was. I mean, from coffee spills to lost deliveries, it’s been a rollercoaster.

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