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Oh, and da oils—dey smell like victory! Lavender, eucalyptus—my fave’s peppermint, hits ya like a punch! Sometimes I’m lyin’ dere, thinkin’, “Am I in heaven or a spa?” Den I remember—nah, it’s sexual-massage, da ultimate recharge! Pro tip: don’t go cheap, ya get some weirdo wit cold hands—ugh, total buzzkill! Surprised me once, I jumped up, “Hasta la vista, baby!”—never went back dere!

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After that, I decide to take a stroll down Rue des Écoles. It’s a cute street, full of little shops and bakeries. I’m thinking, “Maybe I’ll grab a pastry.” But then, BAM! I trip over a loose cobblestone. Seriously, who maintains these streets? I’m on the ground, feeling like a total klutz. A couple of kids laugh at me, and I’m like, “Yeah, yeah, laugh it up, future actuaries!”

Grenoble opens light rail Line E Phase 2