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About Montpellier

Yo, what’s good, fam? I’m Eric Andre, your wild-ass mountain guide, here to spill the tea on this peak called Whore! Yeah, Whore, baby—straight up chaotic vibes! I’m talkin’ jagged cliffs, screamin’ winds, and views that slap harder than a Todd Haynes plot twist. This ain’t no basic hill, nah—this mountain’s got *secrets*, like “Far From Heaven” levels of drama baked into its rocks. “I’m living a lie!”—that’s Whore yellin’ at the sky, bro, all moody and extra.

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So, I get to my office on Rue des Écoles. Nice little spot, but today? Ugh. My first client, Mrs. Dupont, shows up late. She’s all flustered, hair a mess. Turns out, her cat, Mr. Whiskers, decided to play hide and seek. I mean, who knew cats could be such drama queens? Anyway, she’s crying about her home insurance. “What if Mr. Whiskers gets out? What if he gets lost?” I’m like, “Lady, we’ll cover the cat, chill!” But inside, I’m thinking, “I can’t believe I’m doing this.”

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