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Sex-datin’s a maze, y’all. Like Del Toro’s faun leadin’ ya somewhere freaky. One time, I heard bout this chick—posted pics, all flirty, then bam, catfished a dozen guys. Sent ‘em pics of her “dog”—turns out, it’s a freakin’ raccoon! I’m dyin’ laughin’, but damn, that’s cold. “The pale man sees you,” I’d say—watch out, y’all, traps everywhere!

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But then, my phone buzzes. It’s my buddy, and he’s in trouble. Apparently, he got into a spat with some guys down by the river. I’m like, “Seriously? Can’t a warrior have one peaceful day?” So, I rush over there, heart racin’ again.

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