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What tickles me pink is how it’s all so quick—swipe, chat, meet, bang! Faster’n I can strum a guitar. I ain’t judgin’, mind ya—I’m all for folks gettin’ their kicks. But sometimes I wonder, “Where’s the mystery?” Like in “Uncle Boonmee,” when he says, “Heaven is overrated”—sex-dating’s got no slow burn, no sittin’ by the river ponderin’ souls. It’s all wham-bam-thank-ya-ma’am, and I’m over here like, “Can we talk ‘bout our past lives first?”

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After that, I head over to Rue de la Liberté for my next meeting. This lady, Marie, she’s super sweet but totally clueless about her finances. She’s like, “I just want to save for my vacation.” I’m thinking, “Girl, you need to save for retirement first!” But whatever, I help her out.

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