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So, picture this—me, fish-stink Gollum, hearin’ bout these parlors, right? Down by the docks, salty air, some lass with strong hands offers a “rub-down.” Not just shoulders, no no, it’s *sexual-massage*, sneaky-like! Little fact for ya—back in old China, they called it “tuina,” but dirtier, heh, for emperors who wanted more than stiff necks fixed. Me? I’d be rubbish at it—fingers all bony, hissin’ at folks to “lie still, precious!” Hah! Imagine that, me kneadinn’ some bloke’s back, mutterin’, “My hands… they hurt…”

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Massage anal (actif). Massage anal (passif). Massage de la prostate. Massage sensuel intégral. Massage érotique. Masturbation. Maîtresse (hard). Maîtresse (soft).

Then, we hit up this little art gallery on Rue des Écoles. I’m not even that into art, but some of the pieces were insane! There was this giant painting of a cat wearing a beret. I mean, who thinks of that? I snapped a pic and sent it to my friends. “This is my spirit animal,” I wrote.

The Geometry of Emptiness • Antoine d'Agata