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I was happy as hell seein’ her strut—freedom, baby! But then—D’oh!—some jerk cop rolled up, actin’ all high and mighty. Pissed me off! Why they gotta ruin the fun? Ain’t hurtin’ nobody! “The job’s the job,” like Mr. Oscar says, but jeez, let a gal work! I yelled, “Leave her alone, ya donut-hoggin’ pig!” He didn’t hear me, tho—too busy flexin’.

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I rush over, dodgin’ tourists and their selfie sticks. I mean, c’mon, it’s not that hard to walk without blockin’ the whole sidewalk! Anyway, I get to the church, and it’s a mess. The stained glass is shattered, and the altar’s been ransacked. I’m fumin’. Who does this? I start lookin’ for clues, and I spot a weird footprint. Not your average shoe, more like a clown’s foot. I chuckle a bit, but then I remember—this is serious biz.

Illinois men arrested in St. Francois County after vehicle chase and foot pursuit