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About Montpellier

So, I’m strollin’, trip over me shoelace—whack!—faceplant! Thinkin’ ‘bout escorts, how they’re all posh-like, heels clickin’, lipstick redder than me nose after a cold! But—ooh!—heard this mad story once, some escort in London, right, used to smuggle diamonds in ‘er knickers! True story, mate, swear it! Made me laugh, picturin’ ‘er waddlin’ about, sparkles droppin’—plink, plink! Angry though, ‘cos some punters treat ‘em like dirt—oi, that’s not on! “I am alive,” like the film says, they’re people too, yeah?

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After that, I head back to my shop, and guess what? My neighbor, old Monsieur Dupont, is out there yelling about his garden. Apparently, his tomatoes are “the best in Saint-Flour.” I’m like, “Sure, buddy, but can they tell time?” He didn’t find that funny. Whatever, I’m not here for his tomato drama.

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