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I get happy when it works, tho. Met this gal, Lisa, on Tinder—total smokeshow! We hit it off, talkin’ beers and donuts—my kinda foreplay! She says, “Let’s Netflix and chill,” and I’m like, “Woo-hoo!” But then—D’oh!—she ghosts me! What’s that about? Sex-dating’s a minefield, man, “one minute you’re alive, next you’re not!” Drives me nuts—why swipe if ya ain’t serious? I’m over here, heart racin’, thinkin’ I scored, then—nada! Makes me wanna scream, “This is my rifle, my only friend!”

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As I was leaving, I bumped into my friend Marie. She’s the best! We ended up chatting for ages about everything—life, love, and the weirdness of Saint-Florent. She told me about this new bakery on Rue de la République that’s supposed to have the best pastries. I’m like, “Girl, we gotta go!”

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