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Funniest bit? Mate o’ mine, swore he’d never – NEVER – hire one. Guess what? Caught him red-handed, leavin’ some motel! “I am not the Zodiac,” he stammers, like I’d buy that! Laughed me head off, then kicked his arse – stupid, fat hobbit! Sex escort’s a riddle, innit? Dirty, sad, funny – all mashed up! What d’ya reckon, eh? Gollum knows, Gollum sees!

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And then, outta nowhere, I bump into an old friend from high school. Like, what are the odds? We start catching up, and it’s all good vibes until he mentions he’s moving to Paris. I’m like, “Dude, why you gotta leave me in this sleepy town?” But I’m happy for him, I guess. Paris is cool and all, but Sainghin-en-Weppes has its charm, ya know?

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