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I’d be strollin, hair all poofed up, mutterin, “Hmm… he’s not my lover,” like in the movie, but swap “lover” for “pimp”—ha! Imagine me sidesteppin some sleazy dude, “Oh no ya don’t, buster!” Prolly get all weepy too, thinkin bout how she’s got no Mr. Chow to sweep her off her feet. That movie’s all bout what ain’t said, right? But here, it’s loud—catcalls, hagglin over prices, no mystery, just cold hard cash.

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First off, I hit the streets of Rue de la République. It’s like the main drag, ya know? Packed with shops and people. I’m just strollin’, mindin’ my own business, when I spot this massive rat. I mean, this thing was like a small dog! I swear it had a little crown on its head. I’m thinkin’, “Great, just what I need.”

Nathan Hirayama named one of Canada’s Olympic flag-bearers