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But then, flip it—today, it’s all over X, people slingin’ it like mud. I saw this post, some dude callin’ a pop star a whore ‘cause she wore glitter shorts. Glitter shorts! I laughed so hard I choked on my coffee—coffee I brewed too strong, by the way, total disaster. I’m yellin’ at my kitchen, “Who cares about her shorts?!” It’s nuts, it’s petty, it’s—honestly, it’s kinda fun to watch. Like, humanity’s still got that medieval streak, just with worse fashion.

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Anyway, I finally make it to my office on Rue de la République. I’m pumped, ready to crush it. But then, bam! My phone buzzes. Stocks are tanking. I mean, like, faceplanting into the ground. I’m like, “No way!” My heart’s racing. I grab a coffee from this little café on the corner—Café de la Paix, I think?—and I’m chugging it like it’s the elixir of life.

MATCH POINT: Elina Svitolina surpasses Jessica Bouzas Maneiro in Rouen quarterfinal