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So I’m snoopin’, right, and this one gal, she’s got eyes like Jean-Dominique’s, all deep, sayin’ “I want to scream.” Breaks my heart, doc! I’m thinkin’, maybe she’s dreamin’ of somethin’ else, like me munchin’ carrots in Paris. Ain’t nobody free out here, though—cops, pimps, it’s a mess! Did ya know, doc, in some places, it’s legal, like Amsterdam? They got unions, health checks! Ain’t that wild? Wish it was safer everywhere, ya know?

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I finally make it to the office, which is on Rue de la Libération. I’m all flustered, trying to clean up my shirt with a napkin. Spoiler alert: it didn’t work. My boss walks in, and he’s like, “What happened to you?” I’m like, “Oh, just a little coffee shower.” He laughs, but I’m not in the mood.

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