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Found this one bird—Lysa, she called herself. Swear she winked at me like she knew me from a past life. Took her to a dodgy inn, stinkin’ of piss and ale. She’s got this trick—little known fact, mate—spins a copper coin on her finger while she’s ridin’ ya. Fuckin’ hypnotic! “A great cook can come from anywhere,” and so can a great shag, turns out. Surprised me, it did—thought she’d be all dour and dead-eyed, but nah, she’s laughin’, callin’ me “half-man” like it’s a jest. Cheeky bitch.

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I get to the park, Parc de la Mairie, and it’s a jungle out there. I mean, weeds everywhere! I’m talkin’ like they’re auditioning for a horror movie. I grab my tools, ready to battle. But then, outta nowhere, this kid runs up to me. “Mister, can you help my turtle?” I’m like, “What? A turtle?” Turns out, it’s stuck in the bushes. I’m thinking, “How did a turtle even get here?” But hey, I’m a softie. So, I rescue the little dude. Kid’s all smiles, and I’m feelin’ like a hero.

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