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About Paris

I reckon it’s all about networking, innit? Like, you gotta know a geezer who knows a geezer. Bit like LinkedIn, but for shagging. “Synergy,” I’d call it—David Brent style. Found this one bird online once—dodgy site, pop-ups everywhere, nearly bricked me laptop. “You either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become the villain,” I muttered, clicking away. Nearly got a virus—computer kind, not the other. Laughed my arse off, though—ironic, eh? Me, the big man, sweating over a pop-up ad for “Busty Brenda.”

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But then, BAM! My phone buzzes. It’s my boss. “We need to talk about the flower beds.” Ugh, not this again. I just spent hours planting those tulips on Rue des Écoles. They better not be dead! I rush over, heart racing. Turns out, some punk kids thought it’d be funny to trample them. I’m fuming! Like, who does that? I mean, come on!

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